Crack Baby Athletic Association

South Park Zone
South Park - Season 15 - Episode 1505 - Crack Baby Athletic Association
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South Park Crack Baby Athletic Association

After seeing the "saddest commercial ever" presented by Sarah McLachlan about crack babies, Kyle goes to help volunteer at the hospital, but finds Cartman already volunteering there. Suspicious, Kyle follows Cartman and finds that he, Craig, Clyde and Butters have gathered together to form a new business called "Crack Baby Basketball", in which crack-addicted babies fight each other for a piece of crack, with the fights being broadcast on the Internet. Kyle is shocked and horrified at what Cartman has done, but Cartman convinces him it is a win-win situation for everybody and persuades him to work for the business as its accountant. Kyle, troubled by his conscience as he becomes a version of Gordon Gekko, repeatedly justifies himself to Stan, who just listens to him in silence.

South Park Spoiler Alert! (The complete plot for this South Park Episode)

After seeing the "saddest commercial ever" presented by Sarah McLachlan about crack babies, Kyle goes to help volunteer at the hospital, but finds Cartman already volunteering there. Suspicious, Kyle follows Cartman and finds that he, Craig, Clyde and Butters have gathered together to form a new business called the "Crack Baby Athletic Association", in which they induce crack-addicted babies to fight each other for a ball filled with crack, with the fights being broadcast on the Internet. Kyle is shocked and horrified at what Cartman has done, but Cartman convinces him it is a win-win situation for everybody and persuades him to work for the business as its accountant, because of his Jewish descent. Kyle repeatedly justifies himself to Stan, who just listens to him in silence. The business quickly prospers, and the group prepares to cut a deal with EA Sports for a video game based upon their sport. Despite Cartman insisting that they are a nonprofit organization, Kyle tells him that he is uncomfortable with the idea of selling the babies' likenesses to EA Sports while giving them nothing, so Cartman promises to find out how "other companies get away with it". He goes to the athletic department at the University of Colorado dressed as a Southern plantation owner and referring to the University student athletes as "slaves", but gets no advice on how to treat his own "slaves" from the affronted president. Kyle comes up with a plan to compensate the crack babies by spending 30% of the money from the deal on a state-of-the-art orphanage and presents it to Cartman; much to Kyle's surprise, Cartman actually approves of the scheme, due to the public goodwill it will generate. Meanwhile, Clyde and Craig try to get in touch with the guitarist Slash in an attempt to have him play at half-time of an upcoming crack baby fight. However, they discover that Slash is actually a make-believe character based on a Dutch legend named "Vunter Slaush", and that the various incarnations of Slash they have encountered are just their parents in costume. This explains why Slash appears to be everywhere at once, even playing a show in Moscow and in Colorado Springs in the same afternoon. Once the deal with EA Sports is signed, the boys learn from their contract with Peter Moore (portrayed here as a bourbon drinking, cigar smoking, southern planter), the head of EA Sports, that his company now owns the rights to the Crack Baby Athletic Association and will keep all the revenue. Kyle is crushed over the end of his orphanage project, while Cartman and the others are mostly still in shock about the revelation that Slash does not exist, except for Stan, since he knew about it since he was five years old. At the end of the episode, Kyle and Stan discover that the orphanage has been miraculously built. They also find a guitar and hat belonging to Slash inside. Kyle is overjoyed, and everyone's faith in Slash is restored.